I feel under the weather today. It's the kind of feeling unwell that isn't enough to warrant taking time off from work, but you'd just rather curl up under a blanket and sip soothing hot tea instead of sitting upright and staring into a monitor.
I have a kid in daycare, I'm no stranger to these colds, but I also don't like to feel crummy.
Last night, my cousin texted a group chat and it made me feel sad. We were reminiscing about musicians and concerts and concert venues from when we were teenagers, and my big empathetic heart went out to him. Combine those nostalgic and regretful feelings with a scratchy throat and pressure headache and the conditions are perfect for a good cry. I've needed one for a while, I think, and autumn is as good an excuse as any.
I've just been so busy, though. And with a toddler, there's no time to have a good cry. It's just go go go go go until you drop and then you look around at all the stuff you didn't get done today and fall asleep and wake up and go go go go go again.
Like most of us in the current state of capitalism in the US, I am unable to do all of the things. I am unable to keep my house clean. I am unable to cook healthy organic grass-fed locally-sourced free-range meals for my family. I am unable to care for my child 100% of the time. The rules are against us. It is literally impossible. I don't know what the solution is, but capitalism as we know it is not sustainable. And for some reason, probably because I grew up in the 80s, I still hold myself to a higher standard. I think I should be able to do it, for some stupid reason, and I am more and more frustrated each time I fail at it.
Anyway, these musings will have to wait for now. I'm going to go have a nap under my desk. To try to get out from under the weather.
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