I'm making this up as I go

Last week, or earlier this week (it's hard to delineate), I mentioned to a friend that I missed singing and wanted to bring it back into my life. She suggested I sing in the car, so I started singing along with musicals since I find them very sing along-able and readily available. I started with Dear Evan Hanson and quickly realized that not only was it very singable, but it also was a great outlet for feelings. Lots of different kinds of feelings, in fact. Win-Win. Two birds, one stone.

I ran into a snafu in my plan, however, to "assemble an army" as I called it to help me process/cope/deal with my midlife crisis/life and after 2.5 weeks I still have not talked to a professional. I did finally learn that the practice I was referred to was full up, so earlier this week I scheduled a phone appointment for the middle of next week. I eagerly await that call.

I'm relieved that there is an appointment on the horizon, of course. But in the meantime, I easily fell back into my old patterns of, "FINE. I GUESS I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF." which I now know is not actually true, but still feels true. I'm working on unlearning that.

The soundtracks I'm drawn to right now (Dear Evan Hanson, Songs for a New World, Tick Tick Boom) are full of interpersonal relationships and life changes. I'm enjoying belting out the big tunes in the car, and since I've known SfaNW and TTB for 20+ years, they serve a dual purpose of reminding me who I used to be and also informing me that the person I am now can have a new and different relationship with the libretto/soundtrack. Lyrics that I didn't notice when I was a student are suddenly poignant as a mother (or just as an adult). I expect this is a trend I will continue to see as I sing along with more musical soundtracks. 

My kid was home sick last week, which puts a lot of stress on the household whenever it happens. One of my coworkers is out this week and next week so I've got extra on my plate. And tonight we have Tropical Storm Ophelia bearing down on our flood-prone neighborhood and flood-prone city. In the past, I would subscribe to the "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" school of thought, but at this point in my life, I don't want to be stronger. I want everything to be easier. And less expensive. And if it came with a free gift or an open bar, that would be ok, too.