Written in the Stars

Fifteen years ago this week, I closed a production of the musical Aida at a small semi-professional theatre in a barn in the northwest corner of Connecticut that had come to feel like home. It was my 5th show there over 3 of the previous 4 summers, and I didn't know at the time that it was also my last. There's a song in that show, "Written in the Stars," wherein the main characters sing that even though they wish to be together, they cannot and there's nothing they can do about it.

This week, I have been on an emotional roller coaster thanks in part to remembering that production (thanks to a social media post by one of the cast members), as well as the New Moon in Leo (https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/new-moon-in-leo-august-2023-meaning-effects) and Venus in retrograde (https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/venus-retrograde-july-2023).

It turns out that if you avoid and ignore your feelings for long enough, the planets will literally align to allow those feelings to harass you until you actually process them.

Not too long after that show closed and I moved away when my contract was up, my boyfriend broke up with me because he was having a hard time with long distance. Afterwards, he tried many times to be friends with me, and I couldn't do it because I still loved him. I guess I thought we would get back together when we lived closer or something, so I convinced myself it was only temporary and this made it practically impossible for me to get over him. Eventually (for self-preservation, I guess) I told myself I would never see him again. This at least allowed me to ignore him and move on, but in doing so, I apparently avoided the actual processing of the break up. 

So it looks like I have to do the work of processing it now (while also working full time and being a wife and mother and functional member of society) so I can finally let it go. 

Yay. 😕 

Life is hard, emotions are complicated. Fifteen-years-ago me had a very big heart, and parts of her still want to be loved and accepted and comforted. Wish us luck!