More Song Lyrics

"I could have a mansion on a hill.
I could lease in a villa in Saville,
But it wouldn't be as nice as
A Summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Carl
Playing Tevye and Porgy.

I could wander Paris after dark,
Take a carriage ride through Central Park,
But it wouldn't be as nice as
A Summer in Ohio
Where I'm sharing a room
With a "former" stripper and her snake,
Wayne.

I could have a satchel full of dollar bills,
Cures for all the nation's ills,
Pills to make a lion purr.
I could be in line to be the British queen,
Look like I was seventeen.
Still I'm certain I'd prefer
To be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati.

I could shove an ice-pick in my eye.
I could eat some fish from last July,
But it wouldn't be as awful as
A Summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water,
Vietnamese food,
Or you.

...

I could chew on tin foil for a spell.
I could get a root canal in hell,
But it wouldn't be as swell as
This summer is gonna be
'Cause the torture is just exquisite
While I'm waiting for you to visit.
So hurry up schmuck, get unstuck,
And get on the scene.
Love,
The midget, the stripper,
Wayne the snake,
And Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein,
That's me."

from "A Summer in Ohio" from The Last Five Years