Holy Sucky Week, Batman :(

Wow, I'm depressed.

I guess it started yesterday with Micki's panic attack. I remembered some of the rough nights last fall when I couldn't stop crying and wondered if I could ever get to the point where I would have an actual panic attack. And then I got the paperwork I needed to start working on my paperwork, and that overwhelmed feeling has just gotten worse in the past day. It didn't help at all that Mike and I spent almost an hour this morning with 4 VCRs trying to make a decent copy of Bruce's video for us to use to prepare, which meant that A., I lost an hour of time I could have been working on my shift plot or whatever, and B., I couldn't use the video as a reference to work on my calling script (since I'm not going to call from the score--too much flipping pages, and too tempting to bury my nose in the book instead of watching the dancing).

And then there was Maundy Thursday. It's been a while (1998?) since I attended a Maundy Thursday service. Schola sang at Good Friday service at UR (oh, beautiful Bach chorales, how I miss you...), but Maundy Thursday is almost worse. The Last Supper. Saying goodbyes. The stripping of the alter. I actually cried when we sang "Peace is my last gift to you" during the washing of the feet. And I even skipped out on the stripping of the alter--at St. Marks, they do a simple (fruit, cheese, bread, soup, wine) meal after the Eucharist and then strip the alter after the meal--I knew it would upset me.

Argh! It's not even time to be stressed yet (for Swan Lake, I mean), but I'm becoming increasingly nervous about jobs for the summer and next season, where I'm going to live when my lease runs out, and (dare I even say?) what I'm going to do with my life. I tried again today to talk Michelle from the costume shop into staying next season and sharing an apartment with me, but she's got her sights set on NYC now (a month ago it was Chicago) and I'm only her back up plan. Plus, getting a taste of family (last weekend) and then going back to being completely and utterly alone (this week) is always hard on me.

But, on the plus side, I did watch Life on a Stick tonight. It was pretty good; I'm glad I watched. He's frickin famous. You should google him.

Okay, I'm going to read and go to bed now. :(